Dear Kathy,
I am enraged. I can not take kindness as I should. Just another way you have broken me. Why am I more comfortable with being yelled at and referred to as a “disgusting person” than by being told that I am still loved? It’s so fucked up that as soon as someone tells me that they love me and still think of me as part of their family that I just become so violently angry. I actually just want to send them a hateful text immediately. I am vibrating from the anger, and want to lash out because someone loves me. I really hate this about myself. I hate that something so innocent upsets me. Right now I hate you more than I have in a long time. I hate that people feel as though I cannot handle being told when I do something wrong. I hate that this is proving them right. I hate that writing to you is not calming me as much as it should. As much as it usually does. They do not deserve to see me at my worst. They lost that privilege the moment they betrayed my trust. So I shall overcome this on my own. Just a little slower.  
Love always,

C

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